Recent Happenings in Pakistan

recently there has been a lot of chaos in Pakistan, both due to geographic nature and human nature. so far as i know according to the update i got from aadresh a couple of days ago, the death toll is around 2500 and increasing.

two major events have lead to the current chaos. the first was the flood, and the second was the death of an MQM member. due to these two events there have been murders, gruesome deaths over all, and far too much grief.



what i should be doing is watching the news. i should be contacting relatives and asking how everyone is. i should be doing something productive, something helpful. i was super enthusiastic earlier in the year about all the happenings in Pakistan. i even contacted sohaib and asked all about the past happenings of Pakistan - i was trying to understand at least some of the history that has led to current conditions.

but for whatever reason, a reason i cant figure out, i cant bring myself to watch the news, or make the calls. i think I'm scared of what I'm going to hear. my entire dadyal and enough of my nanyal is still there, trying to live a normal life. good things happen all the time without us noticing. but when bad things happen, news spreads. so far i haven't heard from my family, so I'm assuming the best. I don't want to get bad news. i sound childish because i feel childish.

I'm so thankful for this trip we were able to make. I was able to see so much of my family, and understand so much more about my own roots. It was a worthwhile trip that i constantly re-live. but while there i also saw the nature of things and understood what everyone had been trying to make me understand. if there is no authority of some sort in a land, how can you brig about order? the question isn't when, it's how. the current 'guy' Zardari needs to just disappear.
never before have i seen such an incompetent man. its people like him that make me question the theory of evolution - how can we be so sure that our race isn't getting stupider?
I mean seriously, your country has just been struck by two majorly chaotic events, and where are you? touring Europe....WHAT! i never thought a paradox such as a human without humanity could exist, but there ya go!

it's things like these that have also brought me to question if I'll have the ability to become a journalist. i mean, I'm still majoring in journalism - that's not going to change, I'm learning far too many great things in this field. but I'm talking about an actual career as a journalist. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm for it. if I'll be able to do jack-squat once I'm in the field. because right now, with tons of potential stories facing me with these events, all i can think of is how to avoid any more news from Pakistan at all cost...i suppose the next 3 years will reveal what's to be done with me.

OK...tangents over...ish. but you see, it's things like these that have me going in a loop of frustration, confusion, and hopelessness. i don't mean to be hopeless, but the things i saw, and the things that are going on now - it's taking more and more effort to have even a slight bit of hope. i still want to teach English in Pakistan, in some point in my life. some point as is after my Master's degree and once my loans are paid off - which will take another 10 years in my estimation, due to other events that are expected, Inshallah, to happen along the way. but the most fearful question i have to ask then is, will there even be a Pakistan to go to in 10 years?

I'm so scared and angst-y.

on a positive note: i finally have this post ready enough to, well, post!