The Knowing, Almost Instant, Dismissal

I hate when this happens because it seems like the worst act of ignorance at times.
This is the dismissal people pass on others when they don't fully understand the problem, but think they are smart enough to solve it.
It's VERY annoying.

And I'm sure all of us have experienced this at one point or another in our lives.
The instance I can use for an example right now is my nightmares because this was a fairly recent conversation.
For the purpose of privacy, the other person will be referred to as Z.

Z - So why do you sleep downstairs?
Me - I feel safer downstairs.
Z- And a light is on because...?
Me - I have nightmares often, when I wake up I need to see where I am otherwise I freak out.
Z - Why do you have nightmares??
Me - ...I don't know...
In my mind - what the hell kind of question is that!?
Z - You're Muslim! You shouldn't have nightmares, you shouldn't be scared of other things!
Me - ....Seriously?? Are you kidding me right now?
Z - You should try thinking of positive things when you go to sleep. Or don't think of anything at all. Or count sheep!
Me - -_______- okay, you do realize that this situation isn't exactly in my control right?
Z - Are you sure?
Me - ......................................
Z - Well you should try what I told you.

What I was thinking and probably should have said:
It sounds to me like you have never has a nightmare before, so please do me a favor and shut up. You have no idea what these nightmares consist of, or how often I have them, or how long I've had them for. You don't really know anything about my situation, so I would appreciate it if you kept your ignorant advice to yourself because, believe it or not, I tried your obvious solutions eons ago with not avail. Don't act like you know what I am talking about when you really don't. And don't act like you know more than me when you're pulling words out your rear-end. Much obliged. -____-

These thoughts sound familiar to anyone? Because I've been in this situation so many times, it's ridiculous.
I've been given obvious advice about:
- Nightmares
- Insomnia
- Diet
- Career plans

People come at you asking about your issues, not fully understanding, and then offering these 'DUH!' solutions. No, of course I didn't think to try the obvious solution you just stated. I guess I'll try it now and let you know if, by some miracle, it actually works instead of all the other things I have already tried so that you can feel even more cocky about your brilliant idea.

Ok, that was exceptionally bitter. My bad. But can you tell how irked I get with this attitude??
To me, acting like this is a dismissal of the situation, which is just plain rude and disrespectful.
It makes it seem like the other person is not treating the situation seriously, when it clearly effects your life in a very serious manner. Again, rude and disrespectful.

Obviously people will try to offer advice and solutions once they find that you have an issue with something. That's natural, and caring. But in the example I gave, you tell me, did Z strike the tone of a caring person?
That tone of arrogance and knowing, that's the tone I hate. That's what makes the whole situation bitter and makes me feel like you really have no idea what's going on but you like to pretend you do.

I think people who have those odd issues that are uncommon for most understand this more. They are the ones who also have to deal with obvious advice and people who think they understand your situation. If you're like me, the genuine people are the ones you don't mind.

But like I said before, it's the people who act like know-it-all's that just piss me the hell off.

Seriously, if you don't understand the situation, don't act like you do.
Have questions? Ask them.
Have sympathy? It's welcomed.
Wanna try to understand what this person is going through? By all means. Your interest and care is appreciated.
But if you don't have the same issue, don't understand it, and still think you have something insightful to say, here's a few words of advice:
- Consider first, if what you are about to say seems like it's a 'DUH!' thing to say. If it is, don't say it.
- Consider your tone and your word selection. (Honestly, even if it is obvious advice, when it's given with the right tone and words, the thought is appreciated).
- Consider the fact that maybe you're just not fully grasping the situation (there's no harm or sham in that ya'll)
- And finally, consider the fact that maybe after considering all the above, what you are about to say is not such a gem of an idea after all and that you should keep it to yourself before you piss the other person off and come off as haughty.

And just for everyone, myself included, I think it's important for us to remember that there are plenty of things that we don't understand about other people. We don't always understand what the other person is going through, the different influences and effects of their situation, and their mind set. We don't always understand the different ways people go about handling their situation, and we should remember that what works for us doesn't necessarily work for others.
And we should always remember that if we don't understand something completely, it's better to ask to understand, instead of pretending to understand.

Which all reminds me, if I have ever passed unwanted, obvious advice your way, I'm sorry. I know how infuriating it can be. I promise I had no intention of dismissing your situation, or acting like a know-it-all about it :[

Random rant ya'll.

Reworking the wardrobe can really be a challenge yall

Before I begin, you ought to know my 'Fashion' history, although I hesitate to call it fashion because it wasn't. Even though I knew what looked good, and what should and should not go together, I never bothered to emulate any of it in my own wardrobe. As you will see, I have always been about comfort.

When I wasn't in charge of my own clothes, my mother bought me basic colored shirts or flowery prints, and pants - usually slacks.
When I got older my colors delved more into blues, blacks and grays, with the occasional pop of purple or red. I was always a huge fan of distinct jewelry so odd necklaces and dangling earrings were always a part of my wardrobe in middle school, even if they didn't ever go with anything else that I wore.
And then in high school I started my hijab so most of my earrings and necklaces went into storage. My colors were the same for the most part, but I added big sweatshirts to the whole look
a) because I could still wear my half-sleeved shirts that way and wouldn't need to go shopping and
b) do you know how comfortable those things are?? If I could, I would live in them!

Actually, now that I think about it, I kind of did live in those big sweatshirts all through high school..

Anyways, 2009 brought about the first year of college, and my style didn't much change. And when we went to Pakistan that summer of 2010, I had some suits made exactly the way I wanted, and so those became a part of daily wear as well. And that carried over through sophomore year as well.

As you can probably tell by now, I've always been about comfort. And honestly speaking, I was just plain lazy when it came to clothes. My mother had always taught me to wear loose fitted clothes, things that didn't reveal your body in fitting or sheerness, so that was never a challenge to emulate. But beyond that, I was lazy. If it was clean and 'modest' I'd throw it on and walk out.
I never bothered to match or iron anything - hobo hijabi for real yall.

But now, for the first time in practically 8 years, I'm trying to rework my whole wardrobe. And I gotta tell you, it's a freaking challenge.
I know what I want and need, but man, there are an abundance of clothing stores that do not cater to hijabis. Naturally. That's the fact of the matter so no complaining, but this does mean I have to look high and low for my pieces.
My goal for the past couple of months has been to incorporate more dresses and skirts in my wardrobe, and get rid of all of my old slacks, wrinkly shirts, and over-sized sweatshirts.

Ok, I'm lying. ALMOST all. I still want to keep a few professional pants around, and of course my salwar kamiz suits will still be there because those are perfect for me. I had them made super long and loose, but in a dress shape so I don't look like I'm drowning, and I think it would be silly to get rid of them when they work so well for me.
Anyways, so little by little I've been replacing my old closet with a new one, and the reason it's a slow process is because I'm picky in this particular field.

And I'm not picky in the sense you may be thinking. Colors and prints are a free for all. But the modesty check is where I'm picky.
Questions Muslims ask when buying clothes:
Is it long enough to cover my back and front when I sit and stand?
Is it loose enough where the figure isn't being revealed?
Is it solid enough? (Do you know how annoying it is to buy something only to realize it can't be worn because once the light hits it, it becomes glass?? Gawh, it's quite a nuisance).
I don't much ask about colors or sparkly things because thankfully, everyone wears all the colors and glittery things offered in shops, so I feel like that doesn't draw any more or less attention. And the neckline I don't have to worry much about either because there will always be something on top, or under, and then my hijab also drapes over my shoulders so thankfully I don't have to worry too much about that.

If I can't answer yes to all the other three of those questions, I'm back at square one.
And that's the easy part. It's when the answer to the questions are a 'maybe..' or an 'I'm not sure...' that makes the shopping tricky.

For instance, if the dress is long and loose at the bottom, then the top can be managed by covering up with a sweater or cardigan. But is the cardigan too fitting? Can I tie it, or does that make it too snug?
Could I pair this with a long draping hijab?
Etc. Etc.

And I'm getting introduced to some new aspects of fashion in the modern world as well.
Tights would be one of them. Until now, I haven't owned a pair of tights since I was 8 and what I have realized is that tights can give a false sense of security. If the dress worn over the tights is ankle or floor length, then I would say that's decent (and we're talking solid tights, not those weird textured or fishnets ones, I feel like those under a dress defeat the purpose too). But if the dress is knee high and worn over tights, or even skinny jeans, it defeats the purpose. Reason being that, covering doesn't just mean hiding your skin, it means hiding your shape as well.

On a side note rant: honestly, if I could charge a personal vendetta against skinny jeans I would.
Once upon a time jeans were loose, rough and tough products. You wore jeans because they were the common product, they lasted forever, and could be worn by anyone, anywhere, everywhere.
I was never one for denim, but it never bothered me until the skinny jeans fiasco broke through.
now when I think of jeans I think skinny, which is then associated with hipsters, divas, and a false sense of security that they're covering clothes because it's denim when in reality they reveal all of everything by squishing any fat into a lump that pokes out in those forsaken jeans. Girls and guys man, skinny jeans are just not attractive on either. I admit, it's a personal bias, but man do i greatly, GREATLY dislike skinny jeans.

Okay, off that bitter tangent.
So redoing a wardrobe in the modern world can have it's challenges for hijabis.

But the good news is that the challenge only makes it that much more satisfying when something is found. As of this moment I have 3 dresses, all floor length and loose Allhamdullillah. The top is the challenge. I hope that the cardigans worn on top don't make it seem fitted...maybe if I put another layer on?
Idk, I would rather look bulky and square than hint at something else.

Challenges, challenges.

In any case, I'll be doing my best to fit the major criteria.
I'm trying to redo my wardrobe in the first place because, as I'm sure you can tell by what I've already written, I never really cared before. Even now, I'd be hard pressed to say that I 'cared' a whole lot. I just figure I'm in college, I should at least dress my age, and besides that I haven't done American clothes shopping in eons so I figure it's time to clean out my closet.
But even then my laziness breaks through. Give me some long dresses, and a top and I'm done. I cant bring myself to care about matching much, or even ironing. Thank God most of the fabric is the kind that doesn't wrinkle easy xD

Anywho, I've was going through my closet and thinking all these things while I organized so I figure why not share and ask the general public about their closets.
So what about yall? Tell me your fashion history, what does your closet contain most of? When was the last time you redid your wardrobe? and when you shop, what criteria do your clothes have to meet to be purchased?