Today is the first day of Ramadan. I would say 'I got up feeling' but really, I didnt sleep all night. I spent my whole night getting cleaner than clean, showering, cutting and de-polishing my nails, etc etc. and just reflecting over the 19 Ramadans I have lived through.
I remember being 4 and waking up with Abu to do Sehri. We ate Kajla and Pehni with cold milk and prayed Fajr together before I plopped back to bed and he headed off for work. Ammi only let me keep half-day fasts back then. But then when I turned 6 I was allowed to keep my first whole roza, and Farhan started his half day rozas, and we competed with the neighberhood kids over who could keep the most rozas.
I remember the Ramadan I wasnt able to keep a single roza, and then 5 years later the Ramadan where I could keep all my rozas. And the one just last year where I had Spaghetios for Sehri and salads for Iftaar, when Nickkie and Sue had late dinners so I wouldnt be alone eating my Iftaar. And the one where Ramsha and Sarosha kept their first whole rozas. How we always had those Iftaars at the Masjid, and then those at so many people's houses.
And it's so strange to see how time has gone by. Now Abu can hardly keep 1 roza due to his diabetes. I know we probably wont ever be able to wake up for Kajla and Pehni again. I'm so grateful I have those memories. And I'm excited now. Because as time goes on, children grow, and Shayan wants to keep his first roza, and Zahra wants to start a hijab (although both are too young for either) xD
Ramadan always brings great tidings for me Allhamdullillah. i cant remember a single one where I didnt learn something fascinating. This year I'm so glad it started while we still have a few days of summer. Today's Sehri was absolutely beautiful. Sarwat Mumani is amazing. She woke up and made us Parhatas and I got to sit with Nanna and talk about random things at 5 in the morning. What more could I ask for? Abu always told me and Farhan about his childhood and how he practically lived at his Mumani's and Chachi's house. I'm super excited that I'll be able to do the same Inshallah =)
I've already decided that I'm going to start this year's self progression during Ramadan by cutting things out. I'm cutting out things and people who dont bring me happiness. Or rather, who make me unhappy. After all, no one likes being hurt. Coming back to Houston for the summer was great, I love being with family and friends. But I also remembered why I chose Waco. If I stay in Houston too long, I eventually end up meeting the people who are still stuck in High School world after graduation. And I really, really dont like that. So I'm cutting out who I need to, and moving on. I dont feel guilty because even though I'm closing the door, I've left the window open. Everyone knows that if they ever need help with anything, no matter how rotten a foot we left each other standing on the last time, they can call me and I'll do everything I can to help. But other than that, dont call me.
Not to say Houston wont be missed. Everyone I wanted to meet I did. Samara, Aneela Baji, Ammara, Maleeha, etc. etc. There are so many people and names! (Except for Neil! That kid is always busy D<) And of course family. Besides, I can never get over just how much i love the diversity of this city. And I do wish I could spend all of Ramadan and Eid here before shifting off, but that's life.
Anyways, before I head off on yet another tangent, I've got a great feeling about this Ramadan. Excitment and Duas in the air and all our hearts 8D time to go do Wudu, pray Fajr, and plop into bed for another couple of hours.
on a positive note: It's Ramadan guys!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Recent Happenings in Pakistan
recently there has been a lot of chaos in Pakistan, both due to geographic nature and human nature. so far as i know according to the update i got from aadresh a couple of days ago, the death toll is around 2500 and increasing.
two major events have lead to the current chaos. the first was the flood, and the second was the death of an MQM member. due to these two events there have been murders, gruesome deaths over all, and far too much grief.
what i should be doing is watching the news. i should be contacting relatives and asking how everyone is. i should be doing something productive, something helpful. i was super enthusiastic earlier in the year about all the happenings in Pakistan. i even contacted sohaib and asked all about the past happenings of Pakistan - i was trying to understand at least some of the history that has led to current conditions.
but for whatever reason, a reason i cant figure out, i cant bring myself to watch the news, or make the calls. i think I'm scared of what I'm going to hear. my entire dadyal and enough of my nanyal is still there, trying to live a normal life. good things happen all the time without us noticing. but when bad things happen, news spreads. so far i haven't heard from my family, so I'm assuming the best. I don't want to get bad news. i sound childish because i feel childish.
I'm so thankful for this trip we were able to make. I was able to see so much of my family, and understand so much more about my own roots. It was a worthwhile trip that i constantly re-live. but while there i also saw the nature of things and understood what everyone had been trying to make me understand. if there is no authority of some sort in a land, how can you brig about order? the question isn't when, it's how. the current 'guy' Zardari needs to just disappear.
never before have i seen such an incompetent man. its people like him that make me question the theory of evolution - how can we be so sure that our race isn't getting stupider?
I mean seriously, your country has just been struck by two majorly chaotic events, and where are you? touring Europe....WHAT! i never thought a paradox such as a human without humanity could exist, but there ya go!
it's things like these that have also brought me to question if I'll have the ability to become a journalist. i mean, I'm still majoring in journalism - that's not going to change, I'm learning far too many great things in this field. but I'm talking about an actual career as a journalist. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm for it. if I'll be able to do jack-squat once I'm in the field. because right now, with tons of potential stories facing me with these events, all i can think of is how to avoid any more news from Pakistan at all cost...i suppose the next 3 years will reveal what's to be done with me.
OK...tangents over...ish. but you see, it's things like these that have me going in a loop of frustration, confusion, and hopelessness. i don't mean to be hopeless, but the things i saw, and the things that are going on now - it's taking more and more effort to have even a slight bit of hope. i still want to teach English in Pakistan, in some point in my life. some point as is after my Master's degree and once my loans are paid off - which will take another 10 years in my estimation, due to other events that are expected, Inshallah, to happen along the way. but the most fearful question i have to ask then is, will there even be a Pakistan to go to in 10 years?
I'm so scared and angst-y.
on a positive note: i finally have this post ready enough to, well, post!
two major events have lead to the current chaos. the first was the flood, and the second was the death of an MQM member. due to these two events there have been murders, gruesome deaths over all, and far too much grief.
what i should be doing is watching the news. i should be contacting relatives and asking how everyone is. i should be doing something productive, something helpful. i was super enthusiastic earlier in the year about all the happenings in Pakistan. i even contacted sohaib and asked all about the past happenings of Pakistan - i was trying to understand at least some of the history that has led to current conditions.
but for whatever reason, a reason i cant figure out, i cant bring myself to watch the news, or make the calls. i think I'm scared of what I'm going to hear. my entire dadyal and enough of my nanyal is still there, trying to live a normal life. good things happen all the time without us noticing. but when bad things happen, news spreads. so far i haven't heard from my family, so I'm assuming the best. I don't want to get bad news. i sound childish because i feel childish.
I'm so thankful for this trip we were able to make. I was able to see so much of my family, and understand so much more about my own roots. It was a worthwhile trip that i constantly re-live. but while there i also saw the nature of things and understood what everyone had been trying to make me understand. if there is no authority of some sort in a land, how can you brig about order? the question isn't when, it's how. the current 'guy' Zardari needs to just disappear.
never before have i seen such an incompetent man. its people like him that make me question the theory of evolution - how can we be so sure that our race isn't getting stupider?
I mean seriously, your country has just been struck by two majorly chaotic events, and where are you? touring Europe....WHAT! i never thought a paradox such as a human without humanity could exist, but there ya go!
it's things like these that have also brought me to question if I'll have the ability to become a journalist. i mean, I'm still majoring in journalism - that's not going to change, I'm learning far too many great things in this field. but I'm talking about an actual career as a journalist. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm for it. if I'll be able to do jack-squat once I'm in the field. because right now, with tons of potential stories facing me with these events, all i can think of is how to avoid any more news from Pakistan at all cost...i suppose the next 3 years will reveal what's to be done with me.
OK...tangents over...ish. but you see, it's things like these that have me going in a loop of frustration, confusion, and hopelessness. i don't mean to be hopeless, but the things i saw, and the things that are going on now - it's taking more and more effort to have even a slight bit of hope. i still want to teach English in Pakistan, in some point in my life. some point as is after my Master's degree and once my loans are paid off - which will take another 10 years in my estimation, due to other events that are expected, Inshallah, to happen along the way. but the most fearful question i have to ask then is, will there even be a Pakistan to go to in 10 years?
I'm so scared and angst-y.
on a positive note: i finally have this post ready enough to, well, post!
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