Do you really know what you're teaching your kids?

I'm not just talking about what you sit down and tell your kids. Not just what you consciously do in front of your kids so that they can utilize what an excellent example of paternal care you are. I'm talking about the lessons you give your kids without even realizing it. The ones they overhear when you’re talking to your friends. The ones they observe when you yell at the television set because your team lost. The ones that your kids shouldn’t get at their age but they do because they’re out of bed and sneaking around, why? because they’re kids. Those lessons. Do you have any idea what you are teaching your kids through those lessons?

I ask because I just found out, after the school year is over, that my 10 year old cousin had been bullied the entire year and now he's afraid to go to school this coming year because he will most likely have to deal with the same kids.

What was he being bullied over? Being Muslim.

My blood is boiling. Seriously?? SERIOUSLY?? I'm not being able to digest this. In as diverse a city as Houston, lo and behold there is still ignorance lurking in the corners. And it's getting the kids.

So this cousin of mine was excessively bullied after 9/11. His peers called him all sorts of foul names.

The pushed him, twisted his arm, and stuck their faces in his as they mocked him.

They shoved food in his face when he was fasting during Ramadan.

They threw dirt at him during recess.

There was a little girl on crutches who called him a terrorist and would stomp on his toes with her crutch. My cousin never told on her because he felt sorry for her.

There was a little boy who maliciously asked him "why does your mom wear a rag on her head?"

Two other kids took the crosses they wore and pushed it in his face saying "convert! convert!"

Just for the hell of it, they called my cousin fat (which he's not but now he feels like he is).

And they threatened if he told the teacher. But that didn't make much of a difference anyways because his teachers were of no help. Of all these instances my little cousin recalled 2, maybe 3 times when his teachers stood up for him, during the more extreme cases. Otherwise they would often tell him to put his hand down or, get this, STOP TATTLING. Is anyone else thinking WTF!

My cousin came home crying and depressed more days than he could count.

And he wasn't alone.

There were 3 other Muslim kids who were bullied through the year without help.

One little hijabi was bullied into a corner where the other kids mocked her for wearing a "rag." The girls in that group flung their hair in her face, and the boys proceeded to pull it off her head completely. This was the only time the teachers decided to call parents and send these creatures to the front office.

Is your blood boiling yet?

According to my cousin the school has made efforts in informing the children of the difference between a terrorist and a Muslim. They has even had little events specifically to acquaint children with the idea of diversity, including a positive perspective of Muslims.

Which makes me think that the next place these bullies are getting their ideas from, is home. Do their parents know what vile little monsters they’re raising? Honestly, don’t they watch what they say? How can you talk so ignorantly and maliciously in front of little kids? And even when you think you’re alone you should watch your mouth if you have children in the house. You never know what they are going to hear. And you never know how they're going to take it. Or maybe these parents are home-growing their own brand of terrorism; I'd certainly classify it as such if these are conscious lessons.

This whole situation has me pissed. I'm pissed as hell that all this went on for a freakin year and I couldn’t do anything about it because I'm just now finding out. I'm pissed as hell at the teachers. Teachers are there as a second guardians. Your students should feel safe at school because of you. Your students should NOT feel like they can't come to you. Your students should NOT feel like there is no point in coming to you because you won't do shit. What the hell kind of teacher are you?!

And of course I'm ticked off as hell with these ignorant parents spewing stupidity in their houses so that their children can catch it like a disease and spread it on to other influential kids so that they all band together as a bunch of sick mutants to pick on the kids that are a little bit different from their own. How do you have the right to be a parent! There should be a universal law against people with this immense amount of ignorance passing their DNA on to the next generation. If humans still lived in the world of the fittest survive, these are the kind of people that nature would not have allowed to pass their genes on.

Inshallah, this kind of thing will never happen to my cousin again. I've told him to tell me if he sees these kids again next year and they pick up their antics again. I don’t know what I can do, but I'm going to do my best to prevent my cousin from seeing a year like this again. I'm all for growing up and teaching kids to fight their own battles, but this thing has crossed the line. He's 10! No ten year old should have to deal with shit like this. What happened to the days where our biggest concern was cooties?

Seriously, if you're a parent, or are planning to be a parent in your future, realize your responsibility. Realize that your kids will hear you when you think they’re not listening. They will see you when you think they won’t. And they will absorb everything around them like a sponge. They will emulate what they see and hear because that is what they think is right. If you are not ready to deal with being responsible for another life, in every definition of the word, then you need to back the hell of the parenting pedestal.

....Still pissed about all this.

If you dress like a teen, act and talk like a teen, it doesnt mean youre a teen

So I was out the other day and came upon a very uncomfortable sight to see – there was a….’mature’ woman dressed like it was her first day in high school and she wanted to prove she was an adult...and failing at it.

And to make matters worse, while I was trying not to gawk, a young girl possibly a few years younger than I walked up to her saying “mom, can I get this necklace?”

….I’m sooooo judging right now.

Lady how are you gonna dress even younger than your teenage daughter?? Does this not boggle anyone else’s mind?

I’m all for looking young and feeling young, but I do think there is a way to do it all. Looking young, and looking like a juvenile are two different things. I can tell you now, I don’t like seeing women who dress like they’re teenagers. Why? Because it makes me feel sorry for them. I feel sorry that at their age, and with their life experience, they have not learned to age gracefully. In doing so, they portray themselves as clinging to their youth in a desperate attempt to thwart aging.

The silly thing of it is, I don’t see why aging is seen as such a negative thing. Yeah you’re getting older. So is everyone else on earth. Join the club? Seriously though, you don’t need to make an excuse for aging, it’s a natural part of life. What we need to do is learn how to age gracefully and without losing ourselves.
The best example I have (a completely bias example, I admit) is of my own mother and father.

They’re in their mid-life ages, and they know it. But that doesn’t mean that they’re dismayed by it. My parents dress according to their age, they always have from what I know. When my father was young he wore chains and colorful shirts according to the fashion in his time. And my mom and her sisters have admitted to wearing new fashion styles as they came out in Nigeria and later in Pakistan. They lived out their time and had fun with the fashions.

And now that they’re adults they have their own sense of fashion. My father is usually in jeans or dress pants, or in a tradition salwar kamiz. And my mother is usually in a salwar kamiz or pant-shirt if we have to go out. But even then, her salwar kamiz are not glittery and sparkly all over the place. Where once she wore reds and oranges with tons of little jewels, she wears silky blues and elegant purples. Even with her American clothes, she went from wearing colorful flowery maxi dresses, to simple dress pants and long shirts with a scarf.
Occasionally my parents will break out a colorful out of this world outfit, but it’s usually for a big thing like a wedding or Eid. And even then, they don’t seem like they’re trying to recapture their youth, but are just re-visiting it with a fond eye.

So having parents like these, who know what it means to age, and do it gracefully and with a fond eye, I feel I have a sense of age appropriate dressing. My mother hates to wear more colorful clothing than me. Anytime she gets sparkly jewelry she passes it to me saying ‘oh, this is too showy for me. But it will look nice on my daughter!’ without malice. And you know what? I’m looking forward to that age too, when I go from being young and colorful, to grown and graceful.

It’s not difficult to make aging elegant, unless you try with your dear might to hold on to your youth.
Mothers of young adult and teenage daughters: look, I understand that you work hard to maintain your figure and look good for your age. And you know what, you do look good for your age. But ladies you need to let people realize that by dressing for your age.

When you look good but dress like an adolescent, I don’t think people think you look good for your age, I think they think you don’t know just how old you are. You and your daughter should not be shopping in the same aisles!

I hope to never see another middle-aged mother, or any aged mother for that matter, in a strapless top again. Please, layoff the mini-skirts, the halter tops, the PINK or JUICY sweatpants. Wear them at home if you have to. But for the love of the public eye, dress like you have sense when you’re outside!
Obviously just because you have growing kids doesn’t mean you let go of what it means to be fashion savvy. But learn to be chic in according to your age. After all, there is a reason they have all those racks labeled juniors and miss. All of us have to make that switch eventually.

We just need to learn to make that switch with a positive perspective on aging, and mercy to the people with sight around us.