Today is the first day of Ramadan. I would say 'I got up feeling' but really, I didnt sleep all night. I spent my whole night getting cleaner than clean, showering, cutting and de-polishing my nails, etc etc. and just reflecting over the 19 Ramadans I have lived through.
I remember being 4 and waking up with Abu to do Sehri. We ate Kajla and Pehni with cold milk and prayed Fajr together before I plopped back to bed and he headed off for work. Ammi only let me keep half-day fasts back then. But then when I turned 6 I was allowed to keep my first whole roza, and Farhan started his half day rozas, and we competed with the neighberhood kids over who could keep the most rozas.
I remember the Ramadan I wasnt able to keep a single roza, and then 5 years later the Ramadan where I could keep all my rozas. And the one just last year where I had Spaghetios for Sehri and salads for Iftaar, when Nickkie and Sue had late dinners so I wouldnt be alone eating my Iftaar. And the one where Ramsha and Sarosha kept their first whole rozas. How we always had those Iftaars at the Masjid, and then those at so many people's houses.
And it's so strange to see how time has gone by. Now Abu can hardly keep 1 roza due to his diabetes. I know we probably wont ever be able to wake up for Kajla and Pehni again. I'm so grateful I have those memories. And I'm excited now. Because as time goes on, children grow, and Shayan wants to keep his first roza, and Zahra wants to start a hijab (although both are too young for either) xD
Ramadan always brings great tidings for me Allhamdullillah. i cant remember a single one where I didnt learn something fascinating. This year I'm so glad it started while we still have a few days of summer. Today's Sehri was absolutely beautiful. Sarwat Mumani is amazing. She woke up and made us Parhatas and I got to sit with Nanna and talk about random things at 5 in the morning. What more could I ask for? Abu always told me and Farhan about his childhood and how he practically lived at his Mumani's and Chachi's house. I'm super excited that I'll be able to do the same Inshallah =)
I've already decided that I'm going to start this year's self progression during Ramadan by cutting things out. I'm cutting out things and people who dont bring me happiness. Or rather, who make me unhappy. After all, no one likes being hurt. Coming back to Houston for the summer was great, I love being with family and friends. But I also remembered why I chose Waco. If I stay in Houston too long, I eventually end up meeting the people who are still stuck in High School world after graduation. And I really, really dont like that. So I'm cutting out who I need to, and moving on. I dont feel guilty because even though I'm closing the door, I've left the window open. Everyone knows that if they ever need help with anything, no matter how rotten a foot we left each other standing on the last time, they can call me and I'll do everything I can to help. But other than that, dont call me.
Not to say Houston wont be missed. Everyone I wanted to meet I did. Samara, Aneela Baji, Ammara, Maleeha, etc. etc. There are so many people and names! (Except for Neil! That kid is always busy D<) And of course family. Besides, I can never get over just how much i love the diversity of this city. And I do wish I could spend all of Ramadan and Eid here before shifting off, but that's life.
Anyways, before I head off on yet another tangent, I've got a great feeling about this Ramadan. Excitment and Duas in the air and all our hearts 8D time to go do Wudu, pray Fajr, and plop into bed for another couple of hours.
on a positive note: It's Ramadan guys!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Recent Happenings in Pakistan
recently there has been a lot of chaos in Pakistan, both due to geographic nature and human nature. so far as i know according to the update i got from aadresh a couple of days ago, the death toll is around 2500 and increasing.
two major events have lead to the current chaos. the first was the flood, and the second was the death of an MQM member. due to these two events there have been murders, gruesome deaths over all, and far too much grief.
what i should be doing is watching the news. i should be contacting relatives and asking how everyone is. i should be doing something productive, something helpful. i was super enthusiastic earlier in the year about all the happenings in Pakistan. i even contacted sohaib and asked all about the past happenings of Pakistan - i was trying to understand at least some of the history that has led to current conditions.
but for whatever reason, a reason i cant figure out, i cant bring myself to watch the news, or make the calls. i think I'm scared of what I'm going to hear. my entire dadyal and enough of my nanyal is still there, trying to live a normal life. good things happen all the time without us noticing. but when bad things happen, news spreads. so far i haven't heard from my family, so I'm assuming the best. I don't want to get bad news. i sound childish because i feel childish.
I'm so thankful for this trip we were able to make. I was able to see so much of my family, and understand so much more about my own roots. It was a worthwhile trip that i constantly re-live. but while there i also saw the nature of things and understood what everyone had been trying to make me understand. if there is no authority of some sort in a land, how can you brig about order? the question isn't when, it's how. the current 'guy' Zardari needs to just disappear.
never before have i seen such an incompetent man. its people like him that make me question the theory of evolution - how can we be so sure that our race isn't getting stupider?
I mean seriously, your country has just been struck by two majorly chaotic events, and where are you? touring Europe....WHAT! i never thought a paradox such as a human without humanity could exist, but there ya go!
it's things like these that have also brought me to question if I'll have the ability to become a journalist. i mean, I'm still majoring in journalism - that's not going to change, I'm learning far too many great things in this field. but I'm talking about an actual career as a journalist. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm for it. if I'll be able to do jack-squat once I'm in the field. because right now, with tons of potential stories facing me with these events, all i can think of is how to avoid any more news from Pakistan at all cost...i suppose the next 3 years will reveal what's to be done with me.
OK...tangents over...ish. but you see, it's things like these that have me going in a loop of frustration, confusion, and hopelessness. i don't mean to be hopeless, but the things i saw, and the things that are going on now - it's taking more and more effort to have even a slight bit of hope. i still want to teach English in Pakistan, in some point in my life. some point as is after my Master's degree and once my loans are paid off - which will take another 10 years in my estimation, due to other events that are expected, Inshallah, to happen along the way. but the most fearful question i have to ask then is, will there even be a Pakistan to go to in 10 years?
I'm so scared and angst-y.
on a positive note: i finally have this post ready enough to, well, post!
two major events have lead to the current chaos. the first was the flood, and the second was the death of an MQM member. due to these two events there have been murders, gruesome deaths over all, and far too much grief.
what i should be doing is watching the news. i should be contacting relatives and asking how everyone is. i should be doing something productive, something helpful. i was super enthusiastic earlier in the year about all the happenings in Pakistan. i even contacted sohaib and asked all about the past happenings of Pakistan - i was trying to understand at least some of the history that has led to current conditions.
but for whatever reason, a reason i cant figure out, i cant bring myself to watch the news, or make the calls. i think I'm scared of what I'm going to hear. my entire dadyal and enough of my nanyal is still there, trying to live a normal life. good things happen all the time without us noticing. but when bad things happen, news spreads. so far i haven't heard from my family, so I'm assuming the best. I don't want to get bad news. i sound childish because i feel childish.
I'm so thankful for this trip we were able to make. I was able to see so much of my family, and understand so much more about my own roots. It was a worthwhile trip that i constantly re-live. but while there i also saw the nature of things and understood what everyone had been trying to make me understand. if there is no authority of some sort in a land, how can you brig about order? the question isn't when, it's how. the current 'guy' Zardari needs to just disappear.
never before have i seen such an incompetent man. its people like him that make me question the theory of evolution - how can we be so sure that our race isn't getting stupider?
I mean seriously, your country has just been struck by two majorly chaotic events, and where are you? touring Europe....WHAT! i never thought a paradox such as a human without humanity could exist, but there ya go!
it's things like these that have also brought me to question if I'll have the ability to become a journalist. i mean, I'm still majoring in journalism - that's not going to change, I'm learning far too many great things in this field. but I'm talking about an actual career as a journalist. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm for it. if I'll be able to do jack-squat once I'm in the field. because right now, with tons of potential stories facing me with these events, all i can think of is how to avoid any more news from Pakistan at all cost...i suppose the next 3 years will reveal what's to be done with me.
OK...tangents over...ish. but you see, it's things like these that have me going in a loop of frustration, confusion, and hopelessness. i don't mean to be hopeless, but the things i saw, and the things that are going on now - it's taking more and more effort to have even a slight bit of hope. i still want to teach English in Pakistan, in some point in my life. some point as is after my Master's degree and once my loans are paid off - which will take another 10 years in my estimation, due to other events that are expected, Inshallah, to happen along the way. but the most fearful question i have to ask then is, will there even be a Pakistan to go to in 10 years?
I'm so scared and angst-y.
on a positive note: i finally have this post ready enough to, well, post!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Why Is Life Worth Living?
First off - excuse my pessimistic sounding title, this is actually meant to be an optimistic entry. (let's see where it goes!)
you see, i was thinking back to the amazingly insightful conversations i had with Nichole and Michelle today and well, the wheels were turning and i began wondering - why do people do the things they do?
why is life worth living? no one person has an exact same answer I'm sure, which is understandable. everyone has their own reasons for living life the way they do. my questions:
is life worth living if it's a party?
or perhaps a quiet home life with quaint comforts?
is life worth living because of a special someone, or a number of special someones?
because you live to rule your life?
or rule someone else's?
because you want to make a change?
or simply because God made you and that's the reason life is worth living?
of course there isn't a black and white answer to this. i know my answer is full of many different shades of grey and gray and red and brown and green and yellow....(yeah...)
and of course this makes me wonder - what exactly do you classify as living? of course every second of every day that we exhale and inhale is living. but aside from technicalities, what is Living? because i know for certain that my definition and practice of living is very different from the definition and practice of others - but that doesn't make either of us less living - so to speak.
when i thought this question to myself my answer was - seeing, breathing, hearing, talking , laughing, etc. etc. -you know, the regular cliches-
but then i thought: WAIT! blind people don't live any less than i do. nor do deaf and mute people. we are Living differently, but not any less than one another. and what of those individuals in even more heart-wrenching conditions? what of those people in comas, or dealing with a life-long illness or handicap, or life-threatening disease? at first glance they seem to be Living less, and I'm certainly not jealous because, quite frankly, i don't think i would have the courage to move through life in such strenuous conditions. but -always a but!- But, once again what classifies us or anyone as Living?
for example, a person in a coma who has no sense of the outside world, would mostly be considered Living quite less than anyone else, and the reason for their technically living anymore becomes a question -how hopeful can you be that they will come out of that coma?
to those of us of a third party, the strangers, we have this perspective -speaking generally of course- we: why make the person suffer more? and why make his family suffer more? why not pull the plug to spare the pain all around and move on? isn't that what the person would want?
and of course we take this view without malice or cynical wishes at all, but because we feel pity for these related individuals and we want them to stop suffering.
but -here's the other but- BUT, now if we trade shoes with this unknown, coma-rendered man's mother, or wife, or daughter, or sister, son, brother, father etc. etc. would we still have that same third party perspective?
well obviously not, because now we're in the first party - the party that shares heart and soul with this anonymous man. and as, say, the mother, pulling the plug of my coma - rendered son would be pulling the plug on the sun itself. i know if i was the mother: he was in my womb for 9 months. i gave birth to him. i raised him. i loved him. his happiness was my happiness and i lived for the child that i was blessed with. and now he's Living for me. he hasn't moved, hasn't woken up, but he can. and he's Living now isn't he? who has the right to give and take away life? no doctor, no mother. if he's Living now, however technically, it's because God hasn't forsaken our family with death.
certainly to a mother or such close family member, even this living is still Living. and who are we, as third party members, to argue?
-food for thought, no?-
anywho - went off on a tangent there.... so life is worth living for many different reasons and we are Living it in many different ways. it's just an interesting thought - to wonder about the strangers you cross everyday, why are they living, and how are they Living. everyone of us has our own little story, that goes without saying. what's fascinating is the loose ends of those stories that intertwine with other loose ends of other stories.
on a positive note: while thinking of all this I realized again how blessed i am to have so many reasons that make life worth living. they change from day to day. one day it's to wake up at 6 in the morning to take a nice walk full of deep conversation with Munera Khala, and on another day it's to enjoy the wonderful delights of buttered toast. Ah Life!
you see, i was thinking back to the amazingly insightful conversations i had with Nichole and Michelle today and well, the wheels were turning and i began wondering - why do people do the things they do?
why is life worth living? no one person has an exact same answer I'm sure, which is understandable. everyone has their own reasons for living life the way they do. my questions:
is life worth living if it's a party?
or perhaps a quiet home life with quaint comforts?
is life worth living because of a special someone, or a number of special someones?
because you live to rule your life?
or rule someone else's?
because you want to make a change?
or simply because God made you and that's the reason life is worth living?
of course there isn't a black and white answer to this. i know my answer is full of many different shades of grey and gray and red and brown and green and yellow....(yeah...)
and of course this makes me wonder - what exactly do you classify as living? of course every second of every day that we exhale and inhale is living. but aside from technicalities, what is Living? because i know for certain that my definition and practice of living is very different from the definition and practice of others - but that doesn't make either of us less living - so to speak.
when i thought this question to myself my answer was - seeing, breathing, hearing, talking , laughing, etc. etc. -you know, the regular cliches-
but then i thought: WAIT! blind people don't live any less than i do. nor do deaf and mute people. we are Living differently, but not any less than one another. and what of those individuals in even more heart-wrenching conditions? what of those people in comas, or dealing with a life-long illness or handicap, or life-threatening disease? at first glance they seem to be Living less, and I'm certainly not jealous because, quite frankly, i don't think i would have the courage to move through life in such strenuous conditions. but -always a but!- But, once again what classifies us or anyone as Living?
for example, a person in a coma who has no sense of the outside world, would mostly be considered Living quite less than anyone else, and the reason for their technically living anymore becomes a question -how hopeful can you be that they will come out of that coma?
to those of us of a third party, the strangers, we have this perspective -speaking generally of course- we: why make the person suffer more? and why make his family suffer more? why not pull the plug to spare the pain all around and move on? isn't that what the person would want?
and of course we take this view without malice or cynical wishes at all, but because we feel pity for these related individuals and we want them to stop suffering.
but -here's the other but- BUT, now if we trade shoes with this unknown, coma-rendered man's mother, or wife, or daughter, or sister, son, brother, father etc. etc. would we still have that same third party perspective?
well obviously not, because now we're in the first party - the party that shares heart and soul with this anonymous man. and as, say, the mother, pulling the plug of my coma - rendered son would be pulling the plug on the sun itself. i know if i was the mother: he was in my womb for 9 months. i gave birth to him. i raised him. i loved him. his happiness was my happiness and i lived for the child that i was blessed with. and now he's Living for me. he hasn't moved, hasn't woken up, but he can. and he's Living now isn't he? who has the right to give and take away life? no doctor, no mother. if he's Living now, however technically, it's because God hasn't forsaken our family with death.
certainly to a mother or such close family member, even this living is still Living. and who are we, as third party members, to argue?
-food for thought, no?-
anywho - went off on a tangent there.... so life is worth living for many different reasons and we are Living it in many different ways. it's just an interesting thought - to wonder about the strangers you cross everyday, why are they living, and how are they Living. everyone of us has our own little story, that goes without saying. what's fascinating is the loose ends of those stories that intertwine with other loose ends of other stories.
on a positive note: while thinking of all this I realized again how blessed i am to have so many reasons that make life worth living. they change from day to day. one day it's to wake up at 6 in the morning to take a nice walk full of deep conversation with Munera Khala, and on another day it's to enjoy the wonderful delights of buttered toast. Ah Life!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Pakistan: The Answer You (and i) Wanted
I seriously cant believe I'm already back and life is just, back.
back to home, back to bumming and chilling, back to fort bend. etc etc.
and the trip there really was like a dream - it came with amazing flight and excitement, and ended just as quickly. since I've been back I've just been replaying all that happened and could have happened...
i don't know just how many posts there will be over this trip, or if this will be the only one, i suppose we'll see as time and age progresses.
for now I'll start with the point I've received the most questions on - whatever happened to marriage??
Lol. well truth be told, I'm wondering that too.
i did indeed and surprisingly come back without even a verbal agreement of some sort, but thinking on it now i think it's for the better.
there were two guilty parties - me, and them. and both me and them said 'no'. now there were a number of 'them' but truth be told, details are just not important here. the bottom line is that i said no to a few people, and a few people said no to me. and i had my reasons, and they had theirs, so there's no hate either way and well, we're all progressing ahead in our separate yet intricately connected worlds.
if there are any more proposals from Pakistan then of course they will be considered in all seriousness. but so far as explicit searches go, we've turned towards America with full attention.
and by 'we' of course i mean YOU, as in my wonderful friends. now you have the official green-light to go find me a husband because as you can see, i have epically failed...
LoL
anyways. the whole point in looking in Pakistan was because i wanted my parents to bring home a son, not a son-in-law. to find a family that they can settle easily with and vice-versa for the in-laws *adjusting on my part is not a big deal* but alas, there was a family like that but it didn't work out. what can i say, life is life - full of twists and surprises -hey, at least its not boring, right?-
so Inshallah, I'm praying there's a family like that in America that happens to have a firm place in my life.
and it's your job to find them, because heaven knows i don't know jack-squat about playing this game on my own D<
my criteria?
well of course we've got the basic - good degree, stable job, religious awareness, social and fun personality, and a good home -by which i mean family not building-
y'all know how i am otherwise, physical appearances are not a primary focus -at all!- and everyone has their dispositions and quirks so no big deal there. and we've got the basics musts and must nots such as - he has to be Muslim, a virgin *i didn't save myself for someone who cant do the same for me ok*, no drinking or drug habits *although cigarettes i don't care about*, and no gambling.
Now! if i went into preferences...well the superficial side of me would highly prefer someone who's the eldest of his siblings and has a lot of siblings, A LOT taller than me -i don't want my poor children to be midgets D=- with green eyes, a black southern momma *not ghetto - there is a difference!-, and can speak another language besides English...
(you know, the usual specifics xD)
Lol -sigh- why do i feel as if my shot and my target are in completely different dimensions?
lol again.
anyhow, I'm hopeful. Allah has taken care of me so far and I have full faith he wont drop me just yet. just gotta take life in a stride and a smile, and we'll just see where we end up
on and ending positive note: my new clothes are so frikin fabulous!
back to home, back to bumming and chilling, back to fort bend. etc etc.
and the trip there really was like a dream - it came with amazing flight and excitement, and ended just as quickly. since I've been back I've just been replaying all that happened and could have happened...
i don't know just how many posts there will be over this trip, or if this will be the only one, i suppose we'll see as time and age progresses.
for now I'll start with the point I've received the most questions on - whatever happened to marriage??
Lol. well truth be told, I'm wondering that too.
i did indeed and surprisingly come back without even a verbal agreement of some sort, but thinking on it now i think it's for the better.
there were two guilty parties - me, and them. and both me and them said 'no'. now there were a number of 'them' but truth be told, details are just not important here. the bottom line is that i said no to a few people, and a few people said no to me. and i had my reasons, and they had theirs, so there's no hate either way and well, we're all progressing ahead in our separate yet intricately connected worlds.
if there are any more proposals from Pakistan then of course they will be considered in all seriousness. but so far as explicit searches go, we've turned towards America with full attention.
and by 'we' of course i mean YOU, as in my wonderful friends. now you have the official green-light to go find me a husband because as you can see, i have epically failed...
LoL
anyways. the whole point in looking in Pakistan was because i wanted my parents to bring home a son, not a son-in-law. to find a family that they can settle easily with and vice-versa for the in-laws *adjusting on my part is not a big deal* but alas, there was a family like that but it didn't work out. what can i say, life is life - full of twists and surprises -hey, at least its not boring, right?-
so Inshallah, I'm praying there's a family like that in America that happens to have a firm place in my life.
and it's your job to find them, because heaven knows i don't know jack-squat about playing this game on my own D<
my criteria?
well of course we've got the basic - good degree, stable job, religious awareness, social and fun personality, and a good home -by which i mean family not building-
y'all know how i am otherwise, physical appearances are not a primary focus -at all!- and everyone has their dispositions and quirks so no big deal there. and we've got the basics musts and must nots such as - he has to be Muslim, a virgin *i didn't save myself for someone who cant do the same for me ok*, no drinking or drug habits *although cigarettes i don't care about*, and no gambling.
Now! if i went into preferences...well the superficial side of me would highly prefer someone who's the eldest of his siblings and has a lot of siblings, A LOT taller than me -i don't want my poor children to be midgets D=- with green eyes, a black southern momma *not ghetto - there is a difference!-, and can speak another language besides English...
(you know, the usual specifics xD)
Lol -sigh- why do i feel as if my shot and my target are in completely different dimensions?
lol again.
anyhow, I'm hopeful. Allah has taken care of me so far and I have full faith he wont drop me just yet. just gotta take life in a stride and a smile, and we'll just see where we end up
on and ending positive note: my new clothes are so frikin fabulous!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Frustrationnnnnnnnn
This morning there was a documentary on the history channel on the Ku Klux Klan. Watching it gave me shivers. So many of the acts committed by members of this clan are so gruesome.... While I was watching my dad told me to change it to CNN, which I did. Perfect timing. One of the stories in circulating was of the NYC bomber. Apparently he was working with the Taliban in Pakistan, and the Pakistani Taliban is planning an attack on the U.S.
Whether it's true or not doesn't even matter. The suspicion is enough to give the rest of us hell.
And I got to thinking about the new Immigration Law that passed in Arizona (I know I'm jumping all over the place here, give me a few sentences to explain my thought process). I was adamantly against it, and to a huge extent I still am. Seriously, how do you LOOK like an illegal immigrant? There are illegal immigrants from, yes Mexico, but also from India and Pakistan, and Nigeria, and even Canada! So how do you 'look' like an illegal immigrant? So that law I still have a lot against, because it's, to me, advocating racial discrimination (here's the link that ties all my other thoughts together) against one group of people when there are a number of people from a number of nations that are illegal immigrants.
The thing is racial profiling, even the thought of racial profiling shakes us, because we're American. Because our nation's history is one of overcoming racial discrimination. Because we are all immigrants and live in this amazing melting pot, the thought of seriously judging someone based on something they never had control of, is more than disturbing. It's disgusting, and un-nerving, and completely against our values and everything we've all worked so hard to over-come. We can't imagine hating our best friends, and relatives, and mentors, etc. etc. simply because of their race, simply because of the way they look.
That's why organizations such as the KKK and the Taliban raise the hairs on our necks. Because terrorism of any kind, especially that has stemmed from racism, hatred, and ignorance doesn't make sense to us.
But how can I argue against racial discrimination at the airport? How can I say it's not right that Muslims are being racially profiled against at the airport when, since 2000 all the terrorists have been Muslims. Excuse me, I mean 'muslims'.
Not to say that all Muslims are terrorists (y'all know that), but because of a few idiots, the rest of us have to suffer. And correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that's how most of our issues take root.
I saw the short story on CNN and my blood just started boiling. Why? Because, this NYC incident, this idiotic idiot will cause my family to go through hell at the airport in 4 days. Because whenever I think Muslims are out of the spot light, that we have over come another adversity and become stronger, something else happens that screws us all over again. What. The. Hell.
Every time. Seriously. Every time I think -ok. fine. some arrogant douche bag muslim screwed up again. Ok. it's over. society isn't judging us based on them. America knows it's not all of us. America knows it's not most of us. America knows it's just a few who are messing things up for the rest of us. We all remember our history classes, where we learned about those handful of people that cause the most harm and leave the rest 0f us to suffer. Every time we try to pick up the pieces and get back up. Some one's actions shoot us down again.
It is extremely frustrating. Now thanks to this Faisal Shazad jerk I will be randomly checked - constantly at the airport. Especially because we're headed to Pakistan. Our luggage will be checked thoroughly. And you know what? We won't be the only ones suffering. Any Muslims traveling are going through this ordeal. Hell, even if you're not Muslim you're having to go through this ordeal. When absolutely any of us travel, we will have to either be questioned, or stand behind someone who is being questioned. All of us are annoyed and afraid of these ridiculous actions that are committed under the label of Jihad and Islam. All of us. I hate that I and everyone else will have to face these checks and suspicions because of the ignorant fools. I hate that every time we are about to get ahead, we fall back 10 steps because of one person. I hate that there has to be racial discrimination at an airport and any where else because it's completely against my American and Islamic values.
But, and I can't believe I'm about to type this, but I can see how it can be important in the case of fighting terrorism. I wish it wasn't. I think we can do without it. But I can see why it's there when these things happen. And I can't blame anyone else but those people who call themselves 'muslim' and set our entire nation back years in the fight against discrimination. I hate it. All of it. And even though I know it's not my fault, I'm sorry for it.
On a positive note:
All I can say is, thank God I'm American. And thank God I'm Muslim. Because both identities are my own, and both are the cause for this hope I have that things will change for the better. That things can always change for the better if we're willing to stand up for it. I have faith in our society to remember who their friends and neighbors are, regardless of what other people of the same faith or race do. And I know that, even though we've fallen behind again, we're going to catch up again and get ahead. Inshallah.
Whether it's true or not doesn't even matter. The suspicion is enough to give the rest of us hell.
And I got to thinking about the new Immigration Law that passed in Arizona (I know I'm jumping all over the place here, give me a few sentences to explain my thought process). I was adamantly against it, and to a huge extent I still am. Seriously, how do you LOOK like an illegal immigrant? There are illegal immigrants from, yes Mexico, but also from India and Pakistan, and Nigeria, and even Canada! So how do you 'look' like an illegal immigrant? So that law I still have a lot against, because it's, to me, advocating racial discrimination (here's the link that ties all my other thoughts together) against one group of people when there are a number of people from a number of nations that are illegal immigrants.
The thing is racial profiling, even the thought of racial profiling shakes us, because we're American. Because our nation's history is one of overcoming racial discrimination. Because we are all immigrants and live in this amazing melting pot, the thought of seriously judging someone based on something they never had control of, is more than disturbing. It's disgusting, and un-nerving, and completely against our values and everything we've all worked so hard to over-come. We can't imagine hating our best friends, and relatives, and mentors, etc. etc. simply because of their race, simply because of the way they look.
That's why organizations such as the KKK and the Taliban raise the hairs on our necks. Because terrorism of any kind, especially that has stemmed from racism, hatred, and ignorance doesn't make sense to us.
But how can I argue against racial discrimination at the airport? How can I say it's not right that Muslims are being racially profiled against at the airport when, since 2000 all the terrorists have been Muslims. Excuse me, I mean 'muslims'.
Not to say that all Muslims are terrorists (y'all know that), but because of a few idiots, the rest of us have to suffer. And correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that's how most of our issues take root.
I saw the short story on CNN and my blood just started boiling. Why? Because, this NYC incident, this idiotic idiot will cause my family to go through hell at the airport in 4 days. Because whenever I think Muslims are out of the spot light, that we have over come another adversity and become stronger, something else happens that screws us all over again. What. The. Hell.
Every time. Seriously. Every time I think -ok. fine. some arrogant douche bag muslim screwed up again. Ok. it's over. society isn't judging us based on them. America knows it's not all of us. America knows it's not most of us. America knows it's just a few who are messing things up for the rest of us. We all remember our history classes, where we learned about those handful of people that cause the most harm and leave the rest 0f us to suffer. Every time we try to pick up the pieces and get back up. Some one's actions shoot us down again.
It is extremely frustrating. Now thanks to this Faisal Shazad jerk I will be randomly checked - constantly at the airport. Especially because we're headed to Pakistan. Our luggage will be checked thoroughly. And you know what? We won't be the only ones suffering. Any Muslims traveling are going through this ordeal. Hell, even if you're not Muslim you're having to go through this ordeal. When absolutely any of us travel, we will have to either be questioned, or stand behind someone who is being questioned. All of us are annoyed and afraid of these ridiculous actions that are committed under the label of Jihad and Islam. All of us. I hate that I and everyone else will have to face these checks and suspicions because of the ignorant fools. I hate that every time we are about to get ahead, we fall back 10 steps because of one person. I hate that there has to be racial discrimination at an airport and any where else because it's completely against my American and Islamic values.
But, and I can't believe I'm about to type this, but I can see how it can be important in the case of fighting terrorism. I wish it wasn't. I think we can do without it. But I can see why it's there when these things happen. And I can't blame anyone else but those people who call themselves 'muslim' and set our entire nation back years in the fight against discrimination. I hate it. All of it. And even though I know it's not my fault, I'm sorry for it.
On a positive note:
All I can say is, thank God I'm American. And thank God I'm Muslim. Because both identities are my own, and both are the cause for this hope I have that things will change for the better. That things can always change for the better if we're willing to stand up for it. I have faith in our society to remember who their friends and neighbors are, regardless of what other people of the same faith or race do. And I know that, even though we've fallen behind again, we're going to catch up again and get ahead. Inshallah.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
RIP Zegham...i wish i knew what to say, but i'm blubbering right now
I found out on my way to Sumera Khala's house. I was in the car with Ammara when Farhan sent me this text: Rmr zegam from danials click? He just passed away, drowned at the beach.. Were going to the hospital right now
It threw me off to say the least, but it was a weird mix of feelings. I mean, i felt shocked but at the same time, the actuality of it didn't register in my mind. I continued to talk to Ammara. went to Sumera Khala's place, everyone had found out that a kid had passed away so it was a constant mention here and there...but I think I started getting really affected when i was outside trying to get in touch with Shoaib for Murk
That's when I really had too much quiet to think..
I remember Zegham from freshman year. we didn't really talk then. really, all I knew was that he went out with murk, but I can recall that whenever i saw him, he was always smiling. and actually, that's the one thing I really liked about him - the way he smiled. because it was quite distinct from what you usually see.
Zegham smiled with his entire face. when he laughed, or was having a good time, his whole face shifted and it was quite amusing, and very warming. One of those smiles that let you know he was a friendly guy and just put you at ease.
Anyways, so freshman year we didn't talk. I just knew who he was.
fast-forward to senior year, now I saw him whenever we had an officer's meeting - Danyal would bring him all the time. That's when I actually spoke words to him.
He would offer some ideas here and there, and crack jokes. he played around with Danyal's younger sister. He joked around with me brother.
Actually, that's where Farhan and Zegham first met and talked, and became somewhere between friends and acquaintances.
After senior year I didn't see him at all. Not in person anyways.
But, and this is really odd, I saw him in a dream just maybe 2 weeks back.
I thought it was the most random thing ever.
The dream had me and Nickkie, and we were in my childhood neighborhood. I had been running through the house, which was a huge maze in my room, and I came out of the front door of our old apartment - 188. Nickkie was standing in the rain, and it was pouring cats and dogs! and I ran to her completely panicked, completely worried, yelling at the top of my lungs so she could here over the rain and thunder *there was no lightening* 'We have to save Zegham!! We have to go save him! What do we do? Where is he? We have to go save him now!!'
I don't remember Nickkie's reaction, but I remember being on the verge of tears when I yelled my last sentence out because for the first time lightening had struck and, even though I had yelled so loudly that my throat hurt, I knew Nickkie didn't hear me.
I turned away from her trying to formulate a plan, think of some way to save Zegham. and as I turned towards the Masjid, I saw him coming. he looked perfectly unharmed, and was smiling with his whole face...and as soon as I saw him lightening struck again over us, it had illuminated his face with this odd blueish-silver light.
I remember feeling so...relieved that he was alive, that he was well, that we didn't have to rescue him because he was alright.
As he was walking towards us he called out "Hey guys! Kya hua??"
Both me and Nickkie ran up to him and he started laughing because we looked absolutely ridiculous - our entire faces were dripping with rain water and tears. And Zegham laughed again and said 'Ithni paareshaani kyun? hain? mei teek hun!'
End dream.
I woke up relieved because Zegham was ok and then it struck me...how in the world did I dream about Zegham? After all this time, after not knowing him well at all, why in the world did I dream of Zegham so randomly?
I still havent figured it out - have no idea what to make of it really... but it was odd
and i feel horrible realizing now that my best memory of him, my most prominent communication and picture of him, was from a dream that flew through my mind from out of no where... - odd and sad things happen sometimes.
Now that he's gone, I wish more than anything that I could have known him better, because I know he was a great guy. I'm praying that the pain everyone is feeling is eased soon, so that they can go from missing him and thinking of his tragic death, to missing him and thinking of all the good times they had with him. Even though I didn't know him so well, I feel like that's how he would want to be remembered, because he smiled, naturally, with his whole face. and to me, that says a lot about a person.
I can see him walking down the hall, taller than all the other boys, laughing and joking. I can see him playing with Danyal's younger sister and messing around with my brother. I can see him smiling, illuminated in the blueish - silver light of lightening. I can see him in the ocean trying to swim in the night. I can see him..I can feel him going beneath the water, struggling to get back up, to tsop choking from the engulfing water and get air in his lungs. I can feel my arms tense because I can feel his arms tense as they reach up for something. I can see him in the hospital, on a bed under white sheets and white lights. I can see all his friends and everyone who knew him with shocked faces and sinking hearts. I can see Murk sobbing, thinking of what, and how, and why. I can see his parents not having any choice but to believe....
I can see him sitting next to me right now... he's got his legs up, very chill. He's reading this as I'm typing it and he's smiling with his face again. I know what he's about to say - "Ithni paareshaani kyun? hain? mei teek hun!'
He laughed with his entire face - I was right.
I wish I had known you better Zegham.
And I know this is going to sound completely insane but, I wish I could have rescued you in my dream, instead of you rescuing yourself...
You will be missed by many, and prayed for countlessly
I can't say much, or offer much, or anything much.
But know this Zegham, of all the deaths I have experienced, I have only ever cried for two people. Once for my Phuppa, and once more for you, because I did not know either of you and I wish I could have.
Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'un
It threw me off to say the least, but it was a weird mix of feelings. I mean, i felt shocked but at the same time, the actuality of it didn't register in my mind. I continued to talk to Ammara. went to Sumera Khala's place, everyone had found out that a kid had passed away so it was a constant mention here and there...but I think I started getting really affected when i was outside trying to get in touch with Shoaib for Murk
That's when I really had too much quiet to think..
I remember Zegham from freshman year. we didn't really talk then. really, all I knew was that he went out with murk, but I can recall that whenever i saw him, he was always smiling. and actually, that's the one thing I really liked about him - the way he smiled. because it was quite distinct from what you usually see.
Zegham smiled with his entire face. when he laughed, or was having a good time, his whole face shifted and it was quite amusing, and very warming. One of those smiles that let you know he was a friendly guy and just put you at ease.
Anyways, so freshman year we didn't talk. I just knew who he was.
fast-forward to senior year, now I saw him whenever we had an officer's meeting - Danyal would bring him all the time. That's when I actually spoke words to him.
He would offer some ideas here and there, and crack jokes. he played around with Danyal's younger sister. He joked around with me brother.
Actually, that's where Farhan and Zegham first met and talked, and became somewhere between friends and acquaintances.
After senior year I didn't see him at all. Not in person anyways.
But, and this is really odd, I saw him in a dream just maybe 2 weeks back.
I thought it was the most random thing ever.
The dream had me and Nickkie, and we were in my childhood neighborhood. I had been running through the house, which was a huge maze in my room, and I came out of the front door of our old apartment - 188. Nickkie was standing in the rain, and it was pouring cats and dogs! and I ran to her completely panicked, completely worried, yelling at the top of my lungs so she could here over the rain and thunder *there was no lightening* 'We have to save Zegham!! We have to go save him! What do we do? Where is he? We have to go save him now!!'
I don't remember Nickkie's reaction, but I remember being on the verge of tears when I yelled my last sentence out because for the first time lightening had struck and, even though I had yelled so loudly that my throat hurt, I knew Nickkie didn't hear me.
I turned away from her trying to formulate a plan, think of some way to save Zegham. and as I turned towards the Masjid, I saw him coming. he looked perfectly unharmed, and was smiling with his whole face...and as soon as I saw him lightening struck again over us, it had illuminated his face with this odd blueish-silver light.
I remember feeling so...relieved that he was alive, that he was well, that we didn't have to rescue him because he was alright.
As he was walking towards us he called out "Hey guys! Kya hua??"
Both me and Nickkie ran up to him and he started laughing because we looked absolutely ridiculous - our entire faces were dripping with rain water and tears. And Zegham laughed again and said 'Ithni paareshaani kyun? hain? mei teek hun!'
End dream.
I woke up relieved because Zegham was ok and then it struck me...how in the world did I dream about Zegham? After all this time, after not knowing him well at all, why in the world did I dream of Zegham so randomly?
I still havent figured it out - have no idea what to make of it really... but it was odd
and i feel horrible realizing now that my best memory of him, my most prominent communication and picture of him, was from a dream that flew through my mind from out of no where... - odd and sad things happen sometimes.
Now that he's gone, I wish more than anything that I could have known him better, because I know he was a great guy. I'm praying that the pain everyone is feeling is eased soon, so that they can go from missing him and thinking of his tragic death, to missing him and thinking of all the good times they had with him. Even though I didn't know him so well, I feel like that's how he would want to be remembered, because he smiled, naturally, with his whole face. and to me, that says a lot about a person.
I can see him walking down the hall, taller than all the other boys, laughing and joking. I can see him playing with Danyal's younger sister and messing around with my brother. I can see him smiling, illuminated in the blueish - silver light of lightening. I can see him in the ocean trying to swim in the night. I can see him..I can feel him going beneath the water, struggling to get back up, to tsop choking from the engulfing water and get air in his lungs. I can feel my arms tense because I can feel his arms tense as they reach up for something. I can see him in the hospital, on a bed under white sheets and white lights. I can see all his friends and everyone who knew him with shocked faces and sinking hearts. I can see Murk sobbing, thinking of what, and how, and why. I can see his parents not having any choice but to believe....
I can see him sitting next to me right now... he's got his legs up, very chill. He's reading this as I'm typing it and he's smiling with his face again. I know what he's about to say - "Ithni paareshaani kyun? hain? mei teek hun!'
He laughed with his entire face - I was right.
I wish I had known you better Zegham.
And I know this is going to sound completely insane but, I wish I could have rescued you in my dream, instead of you rescuing yourself...
You will be missed by many, and prayed for countlessly
I can't say much, or offer much, or anything much.
But know this Zegham, of all the deaths I have experienced, I have only ever cried for two people. Once for my Phuppa, and once more for you, because I did not know either of you and I wish I could have.
Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'un
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Oh the ramblings one thought can evoke!
Alright I know this is an over-played topic, but I haven’t put my stance in words yet and, after all, that’s what a blog is for - so here it is:
I read this interesting blog on another site that was basically about abortion and it got me thinking - why is abortion such an easy (albeit, controversial, but nonetheless easy) thing to talk about? I guess I don’t even mean easy to talk about, more like easy to consider.
Its like abortion has become this ‘safety’ net at the back of our generation’s mind (you know, IN CASE anything happens, I can always do this).
Excuse me for being conservative in this matter but no, it’s not okay to take this ‘option’ IN CASE anything happens.
Look I cant say I’m pro-life or pro-choice because I feel like it’s not that simple. Different circumstance deserve different judgments. Of course I’m not in favor of little high school girls having sex too early, getting Prego, and then an abortion because they’re not mature enough to have a baby. I’m not in favor of chicks getting plastered, Prego due to a bad decision, and have an abortion as a bail-out. I’m not in favor of women having abortions because having a kid would ‘disrupt’ their current lifestyle. These are all common cases, all of which can be prevented by simply not having sex (and I know it’s not that simple, but we’ll get into that in a minute).
However, I can understand situations for things like rape. Why? Because rape has traumatic affects on women, physically and psychologically. That’s when I feel if a woman is giving up her child it’s because she may not be psychologically fit - no mother wants to raise their child in an environment of hate, remorse, regret, etc - especially when it’s not the child’s fault. (although in such a case I would prefer adoption, but I can understand the psychological aspect of it that would lead to an abortion).
The other case I can think of where abortion is a plausible option is in a medical condition, where it’s either the mother or the child’s life.
Other than that, it’s hard not to give harsh judgments on the ‘normal’ cases (even though we’re not supposed to be judging at all…)
What I don’t understand is, why is it SO hard to not have sex in the first place? I know it’s hard, but it’s not a life or death matter, and certainly it’s been done before be countless people.
I don’t know about you guys but I’m in firm stance on abstinence until marriage, Islam preaches it and I follow it, and it makes sense. Yes everyone wants to have sex, but it’s so much more beneficial to wait until the ring is on your finger *as the saying goes*
And quite frankly I don’t think it’s harder for guys than it is for girls to wait. In fact, I think it’s just as hard for both genders - girls just don’t admit to it as easily.
I’m waiting to get married, and especially because I expect to marry a Muslim, I expect him to wait as well. After all, our parents before us waited, and their parent before them, (and so on, and so forth) there are plenty of people in our generation that are also waiting to have sex. It’s an admirable and respectable thing to do (and religiously speaking, the right thing to do - if anything that should be enough incentive)
I don’t know, it’s weird how the world thinks now a days. Just a few decades ago people ‘courted’ and PDA was almost unheard of. Now if you read current blogs, most people seem to be in favor of pre-marital sex (how can you possibly have a healthy relationship with someone if you don’t have sex with them?) pro-choice all the way, in fact there was a recent one I read where a girl wrote about one of her male friends waiting until his wedding day to have his first kiss. She said her initial thought was ‘aww’ but then realized he was crazy. She wasn’t the only one to think that way. The majority of the people who responded remarked at how ‘illogical’ and ‘unrealistic’ the notion was.
Yet here we are, with thousands of Muslims who have waited until their wedding day to actually hug a person of the opposite sex, let alone kiss and have sex. And Allhamdullillah, we still have thousands of Muslims still doing that (yes the number has decreased unfortunately, but there are Muslims who realize the value of waiting and thus do it).
Sorry, but I think you can have a perfectly healthy relationship without sex (this doesn’t go for Muslims, because Muslims aren’t SUPPOSED to have ‘relationships’ like that in the first place, you just wait - but anyways, that’s another blog)
After all, a number of our parents hadn’t even met properly before they got married - screw the hand holding, the hugging, the kissing, the sex (play on words, haha) and so far as I’ve seen their relationships are perfectly healthy, perfectly promising. Excuse me for sounding prudish, but I think I’ll follow their, and their ancestor’s examples first, before I turn to the generations of now that have a higher divorce rate than ever.
ANYWAYS, completely went off on a different tangent, but I guess that’s what happens when you think and right at the same time - haha
So, my stand stays: Abortion is a serious action to take, regardless of how early it is considered and done. At the least, it will have some psychological affect on the woman.
Thus, I am almost completely not in favor it. But like I said before there are enough of those varying circumstances that don’t allow me to choose a simple black and white pro-life or pro-choice.
I’m just saying, yeah you want sex. Yeah everyone sex. Yeah everyone is not having sex. Resisting is hard, but waiting it out is definitely worth it.
On a positive note: going home this weekend thanks to Natasha! can't wait to weed through my closet and start organizing! - but you never thought you'd hear that from me! xD
I read this interesting blog on another site that was basically about abortion and it got me thinking - why is abortion such an easy (albeit, controversial, but nonetheless easy) thing to talk about? I guess I don’t even mean easy to talk about, more like easy to consider.
Its like abortion has become this ‘safety’ net at the back of our generation’s mind (you know, IN CASE anything happens, I can always do this).
Excuse me for being conservative in this matter but no, it’s not okay to take this ‘option’ IN CASE anything happens.
Look I cant say I’m pro-life or pro-choice because I feel like it’s not that simple. Different circumstance deserve different judgments. Of course I’m not in favor of little high school girls having sex too early, getting Prego, and then an abortion because they’re not mature enough to have a baby. I’m not in favor of chicks getting plastered, Prego due to a bad decision, and have an abortion as a bail-out. I’m not in favor of women having abortions because having a kid would ‘disrupt’ their current lifestyle. These are all common cases, all of which can be prevented by simply not having sex (and I know it’s not that simple, but we’ll get into that in a minute).
However, I can understand situations for things like rape. Why? Because rape has traumatic affects on women, physically and psychologically. That’s when I feel if a woman is giving up her child it’s because she may not be psychologically fit - no mother wants to raise their child in an environment of hate, remorse, regret, etc - especially when it’s not the child’s fault. (although in such a case I would prefer adoption, but I can understand the psychological aspect of it that would lead to an abortion).
The other case I can think of where abortion is a plausible option is in a medical condition, where it’s either the mother or the child’s life.
Other than that, it’s hard not to give harsh judgments on the ‘normal’ cases (even though we’re not supposed to be judging at all…)
What I don’t understand is, why is it SO hard to not have sex in the first place? I know it’s hard, but it’s not a life or death matter, and certainly it’s been done before be countless people.
I don’t know about you guys but I’m in firm stance on abstinence until marriage, Islam preaches it and I follow it, and it makes sense. Yes everyone wants to have sex, but it’s so much more beneficial to wait until the ring is on your finger *as the saying goes*
And quite frankly I don’t think it’s harder for guys than it is for girls to wait. In fact, I think it’s just as hard for both genders - girls just don’t admit to it as easily.
I’m waiting to get married, and especially because I expect to marry a Muslim, I expect him to wait as well. After all, our parents before us waited, and their parent before them, (and so on, and so forth) there are plenty of people in our generation that are also waiting to have sex. It’s an admirable and respectable thing to do (and religiously speaking, the right thing to do - if anything that should be enough incentive)
I don’t know, it’s weird how the world thinks now a days. Just a few decades ago people ‘courted’ and PDA was almost unheard of. Now if you read current blogs, most people seem to be in favor of pre-marital sex (how can you possibly have a healthy relationship with someone if you don’t have sex with them?) pro-choice all the way, in fact there was a recent one I read where a girl wrote about one of her male friends waiting until his wedding day to have his first kiss. She said her initial thought was ‘aww’ but then realized he was crazy. She wasn’t the only one to think that way. The majority of the people who responded remarked at how ‘illogical’ and ‘unrealistic’ the notion was.
Yet here we are, with thousands of Muslims who have waited until their wedding day to actually hug a person of the opposite sex, let alone kiss and have sex. And Allhamdullillah, we still have thousands of Muslims still doing that (yes the number has decreased unfortunately, but there are Muslims who realize the value of waiting and thus do it).
Sorry, but I think you can have a perfectly healthy relationship without sex (this doesn’t go for Muslims, because Muslims aren’t SUPPOSED to have ‘relationships’ like that in the first place, you just wait - but anyways, that’s another blog)
After all, a number of our parents hadn’t even met properly before they got married - screw the hand holding, the hugging, the kissing, the sex (play on words, haha) and so far as I’ve seen their relationships are perfectly healthy, perfectly promising. Excuse me for sounding prudish, but I think I’ll follow their, and their ancestor’s examples first, before I turn to the generations of now that have a higher divorce rate than ever.
ANYWAYS, completely went off on a different tangent, but I guess that’s what happens when you think and right at the same time - haha
So, my stand stays: Abortion is a serious action to take, regardless of how early it is considered and done. At the least, it will have some psychological affect on the woman.
Thus, I am almost completely not in favor it. But like I said before there are enough of those varying circumstances that don’t allow me to choose a simple black and white pro-life or pro-choice.
I’m just saying, yeah you want sex. Yeah everyone sex. Yeah everyone is not having sex. Resisting is hard, but waiting it out is definitely worth it.
On a positive note: going home this weekend thanks to Natasha! can't wait to weed through my closet and start organizing! - but you never thought you'd hear that from me! xD
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